The Heir of Prongs
by MadScientist14159
Summary: Sirius argued with Hagrid and raised Harry against Dumbledores wishes. Harry had a happy childhood with Neville and the Weasley twins. Featuring Marauder!Harry, Marauder!Neville, Marauders!Twins, Loyal!Wormtail, non-traumatised!Sirius, and non-survivors-guilt!Moony. A series of short chapters about a Harry who was raised to be like his father. Snivellus had better watch his back.
1. Chapter 1

"Now before you two go off to Hogwarts," said Padfoot, "You will take the marauders vow. Then you can join our ranks." Neville looked nervous. "It's not an UNBREAKABLE vow is it?" "Of course not." said Wormtail, "It just puts a compulsion on everyone you meet to prank you if you ever break it. Positions, guys." Harry and Neville kneeled. Padfoot and Moony took their hands. Wormtail and Cackle placed their wands over the clasped hands. Shriek stood in the center then spoke.

"A million jellyfish live in my shoe." "Always accept candy from strangers." the others answered. "Jump through the dog doo ring." Shriek chanted. "For it is the gateway to the shampooniverse." was the reply. Now Padfoot and Moony spoke to Harry and Neville. "Do you swear not to betray the marauders or their secrets of your own free will?" "I swear." they replied. "Do you swear not to let life get boring if you have the power to make it interesting?" "I swear." they repeated. "Do you solemnly swear that you're up to no good?" "I swear." "Mischief managed." chorused Cackle and Wormtail, and purple light shone from between the gaps in the new marauders fingers.

Harry arose and transformed into Blur, his cheetah animagus form. Neville arose and became Silverback the gorrilla. Padfoot became a dog. Wormtail became a rat. Cackle and Shriek became identicle twin hyenas. "Then let the chaos comence!" proclaimed Moony, a wicked gleam in his eye.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, what do you think of Mister, ah Lord Potter?" asked Proffesor Dumbledore. "Every bit as arrogant as his father before him." said Severus, "He attempted to ward me off with a patronus charm." Minerva gave a sad smile. "Unfortunately, I have to agree with you. He threw a bag of catnip over me when I was doing my animagus demonstration. I'll never be able to recover my dignity with that class again, ever." "He turned ME into a newt!" seethed Pomona. "A newt?" "I got better" she replied stiffly.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry was rather enjoying himself. He was parading around the corridors wearing a green plastic crown covered in sequins and glitter. Around his shoulders was draped a cuddly toy snake and on his chest was a stolen Slytherin prefect badge. Fred and George flanked him like bodyguards wearing face concealing green hoods. Neville brought up the rear, cowering in his presence like a human house elf. The three of them were refering to Harry as "Master" or "My lord" and all four of them were wearing stolen Slytherin quidditch robes. Every time they passed a muggleborn Harry would hiss at them and pretend to bite their neck and suck their blood like a vampire. He suspected one ravenclaw third year girl had thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

Eventually, they saw Draco. "Oh for the love of Merlin, Potter! You are NOT the heir of Slytherin." Harry narrowed his eyes. "Blassssphemy!" he hissed, "Kneel before me Draco, like the bitch that you are." Draco didn't move. He just glared. "You heared the massssster, you mudblood sssscum. Kneel." said Neville. "I'm a PUREBLOOD, Longbottom! A MALFOY! Read my lips, MAL-FOY!" "He liesssss." hissed Fred, "Narccccissssssa found him in the ssssstreet and adopted him." Draco reeled in fury and drew his wand. "One more BLOODY word Weasley!" "It sssseemsss we have touched a nerve. I wonder what he'ssssss hiding?" hissed George. "DENSAUGEO!" Draco yelled.

"Protego!" shouted a voice next to them. Harry turned his head and saw Professor McGonnagol. "Twenty points from Slytherin for attacking fellow students. Fifthteen points from Gryffindor for stealing Slytherin house property. Now go! All of you! And I want to hear that the robes and badge have been safely returned by the end of the day." 'Spoilsport.' Harry thought.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Granger, what's that?" Hermione stopped putting her book away and hurriedly tried to stuff the gold chain out of Harry's sight. "Erm a lucky charm. Well, not a charm, an amulet. From... my aunt in Spain..." "That's a time turner!" he said, "I will give you a million galleons right now if you let me borrow it." "Err, well, I really shouldn't. I promised McGonnagol..." "Two million. Silverback, bond us."

He grabbed Hermiones hand. Neville put his wand over it. "I hereby vow to pay Hermione Granger two million galleons by the end of the day if she lets me borrow her time turner for a couple of hours by Neville Longbottoms timeline." A toungue of fire wrapped around their hands then faded. "There," Neville said, "now if he tries to back out the enchantment will kill him." Harry gave Hermione a hopeful look. Hermione looked flustered. It was a LOT of money and muggleborns often didn't get payed half as well as halfbloods or purebloods. If she accepted she'd be nearly as rich as Draco's Slytherin friends. Nowhere near as loaded as the little ponce himself but still.

"I... Okay. But just two hours. I mean, there's only so much trouble you can cause. As annoying as you are you're not stupid enough to cause a paradox..." "AWESOME!" yelled Harry. But it wasn't the Harry in front of her. It was the one who had been standing behind her and had just thrown off his invisibility cloak. Future Harry high fived Present Harry then ran off. "I've doomed us all..." Hermione whispered, horrified. "Oh, don't feel bad." said a third Harry, on her left pulling off his cloak. "Here's the key to your new Gringotts vault," Said a fourth on her right doing the same, "I span back to yesterday and opened it for you, then transferred your two million." Neville gave her cheerful smile before saying "And the polyjuice should be wearing off just about... now."

For a fleeting moment Hermione allowed herself the hope that the multiple Harrys were just polyjuiced accomplices, but then "Neville's" features blurred, and became those of Harry Potter. "But where's Neville then? Hermione demmanded, her voice an octave higher than usual. Just then Neville walked in chatting with yet another Harry. He froze and did a double take. "Blur, what did you do?" he asked. "Nothing." the five Harrys said simultaneously. Hermione buried her face in her book and screamed.


	5. Chapter 5

"No student under the age of seventeen will be allowed to compete." concluded Dumbledork.

"Try" said Harry.

"And" said Fred.

"Stop" said George.

"Us." concluded Neville.

They each had a manic grin on their face which made the students around them very nervous indeed.

* * *

"Harry did you put your name in the goblet?" Dumbledore asked calmly. "Yup." Harry said grinning. "This is an outrage." said Karkaroff. "How, may I ask, did you do it?" Dumbledore continued, his eyes twinkling madly. "Easy." Harry said, "I stood outside of the age line and wingardium-leviosa'd the parchment into the goblet." The room went silent. Everyone stared at Harry in abject horror. "What? Fred and George had already nicked my idea of summoning it off its pedestal. And I had to top Neville having a school owl drop it in. You should really replace them, by the way. It only took him two tries to find one that was seventeen." Finally, Krum spoke up. "This... Vorked?" Harry nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah. Seriously, you'd have thought Dumbles here would have come up with something that might actually give us a challenge. An age line? Please!"

Just then McGonnagol burst into the chamber. "Lord Potter! Just how many times did you put your name in that goblet anyway?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "Once." he said, "I figured if it found me unworthy on one piece of parchment it would on another so there wasn't any point in putting it in any more times. Why?" McGonnagol Frowned then said "Because your name just came out AGAIN."


	6. Chapter 6

'No one seems to understand just how dangerous switching spells really are.', thought Harry as the judges prepared their scores. Pomfrey was casting cleaning charms to get the dragon blood out of his robes.

Ten from Maxime. 'Ha. I impressed a half giant. I am so awesome.' Ten from Crouch. 'I impressed a ministry pencil pusher. Not so awesome.' "Oh, come on Dumbles! Eight? I killed it, for Merlins sake!" he shouted up at the judges box. Neville patted his shoulder in mock grief. "That's probably why he marked you down. You know how he gets about killing." Ten from Bagman. 'Though that might have been because we've been blackmailing him.'

"Four!?" Harry bellowed. "You son of a cerberus!" Karkarof just gave him a withering look. There was, however, a glint of fear in the mans eyes. As well there might be as he had just watched Harry explode a dragons head off. "That was wicked-awesome, mate." said Gred. "Switching its teeth for transfigured sticks of dynamite, truly inspired." agreed Forge. "Hey, what do you do when your opponent can breathe fire?" asked Harry, "Stuff her mouth full of explosives, that's what."


	7. Chapter 7

"So how are you going to stay underwater for an hour?" asked Forge. "I'm not." Harry replied, putting down his copy of the mornings prophet. He had been reading, with glee at how Snivellous had been detained over night in azkaban for assault on a student. Harry to be precise. Sure, Harry had started it by vanishing his dress robes in the middle of a dance, but Harry still thought that responding with a level nine dark curse was overreacting.

On the next page over was a large photograph of Harry and his date for the ball. His going with Fleur had been a bit over publicised, even by the prophets standards but neither of them were complaining. Both Harry and Fleur loved attention, and romancing publicly got them even more than usual, if you could imagine such a concept.

"What do you mean, you're not?" asked Gred, "They're going to knick something you like and hide it at the bottom of the lake." Harry grinned. "You'll see." he said.

* * *

"You abandonned me!" accused a soaking wet Neville. Harry grimmaced. "I didn't abandon you, it was a tactical withdrawal." Neville pointed his finger at Harry and glared. "You threw me to the bloody giant squid." "That," Harry defended, "was an obfuscation manouvre. You were perfectly safe. My penguins were protecting you." They got out of the speedboat Harry had summoned and walked to the champions podium on the shore. The magnified voice of Ludo Bagman boomed over to them. "AND HARRY 'DRAGONSLAYER' POTTER IS THE FIRST TO RESCUE HIS HOSTAGE, USING A COMBINATION OF AVIS, POINT ME, AND ACCIO TO FINISH IN ELEVEN MINUTES AND FOURTY TWO SECONDS." The crowd exploded into applause. Cackle and Shriek set of a few fireworks in celebration. Predictably, Harry got full marks. 'I am so awesome.' he thought, as he wandered off to flirt with Fleur and rub his victory in her face.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry stepped into the maze. The entrance closed behind him and an unnatural silence fell. Hidden. Smiling to himself, Harry withdrew from his pocket a piece of folded parchment. He had bugged Moony for the charms he had used to make the map for years. Finally last week he had given in. Harry tapped the parchment sixteen times, each time muttering a different incantation. On the parchment one square mile of the hedges, trees, buildings, and stands around Harry took form. Hogwarts was three miles in diameter but Harry hadn't needed the spell to be so powerful. He saw clawprints in the maze label'd "Skrewt" or "Sphinx" and just entering twenty meters west, footprints labeled "Victor Krum". Harry put up his usual stealth charms and navigated towards him.

* * *

Harry caught up with Victor and trailled him. He was disillusioned and his footsteps were silent so Victor didn't notice him. 'Excellent.' Harry thought evilly. He raised his wand and thought 'chastito' casting it nonverbally. Victors howl of pain actually shook the maze a little.

Chastito was a hex Harry had invented when he had been in a very foul mood and wanted to do something nasty to Draco to liven his spirits. It caused no physical harm, but gave the sensation of a very hard kick to groin. From a spiky metal boot. Which was on fire. And electrified.

Victor had enough of his wits about him to send up red sparks. Harry smiled. He had been a bit vicous, but Victor had surrendered. One down, one to go.

* * *

There. He spotted her. She was disintangling herself from a pile of blackened and shrivelled devils snare. Evidently she had just burned it or something. Silently, Harry hexed her. He didn't think it would be very polite to cause his girlfriend any lasting damage. Or indeed pain. So his hex of choice was rictusempra.

Oh, but he MAY have channelled eighty percent of his magical core into it.

The result of this was that Fleur was now writhing and squirming and thrashing around on the ground, shrieking with hysterical laughter. Harry kissed her cheek and sent up red sparks over her before slipping away towards the cup, grinning.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry landed back in Hogwarts, the cup lifted above his head in a triumphant manner. He swept his hair back with his other hand in an attempt to maintain the illusion of having just got off a broom. On the outside he was grinning cockily, but on the inside he was terrified. 'THAT was too BLOODY close." he thought. He gave a heavily embelished summary of his journey through the maze to an eager crowd of reporters then made a beeline for Dumbledore. Merlin knew he hated the guy, but Voldermort had returned and the headbastard needed to reform the order. NOW.

Up in Dumbledore's office, Harry finally deactivated his smirk. It was replaced by a wary grimmace. "He's back. He used a ritual to make a new body. Call the order. We're having a meeting." Dumbledore frowned. "Harry, you are not in the order. It is not up to you to demmand when we meet." Harry growled. He pulled out a mirror from his pocket. "Silverback, Cackle, Shriek, Padfoot, Wormtail, Moony." he intoned, and their faces swam into view. "Headmasters office. Now." "Harry, what's-" started Peter, but Harry cut him off. "Now." A minute passed before the flames in the fireplace turned green and the adult marauders walked through. A minute more, and Neville and the twins came through the door. Harry began to add his memories to the penseive. It was then that Snape burst in looking very tense. "He's back Albus. He called us. I went immediately but got away as soon as I could." he rounded on Harry. "You imbecile! You realise that that was the DARK LORD you were mocking?" All eyes turned to Harry. "Mocking?" asked Dumbledore. "Ah. Well. You see, the thing about that was..."

* * *

"Crucio." Harry recovered from the pain then attempted a lopsided grin. He doubted that it was up to his usual standard but it would have to do. "Hey Tommy boy!" "Crucio." Getting to his feet again, Harry sang "Got ya nose!". "Crucio." Voldermort visibly was getting increasingly annoyed that Harry kept interupting his grand monologue about how he had returned to power and how he had conquered death, and how he no longer required the mortal crutch of hair care products, etc. Really Harry was just winging it. He had all but burned out his magic hexing Fleur, and all these crucios were clouding his judgement. He started singing the theme song to Thomas the tank engine. "Crucio." He staggered to his feet and tried to think of a plan. If only Voldermort hadn't got rid of that portkey which like all portkeys works in both directions so any halfway decent evil overlord would certainly destroy immediately and... and... Wow. It was still at his feet. Voldermort was so bloody stupid. "Bye, Tommy!" he shouted as he grabbed the cup and felt a jerk behind his navel. As he vanished he heard "Cruci... o?"


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This chapter will explain why Harry hates Dumbles. Enjoy!

* * *

Not for the first time, Albus Dumbledore was wishing Harry Potter had just gone off to live with abusive muggles and grown up to be a good little pawn. He had mapped out the boys whole future as soon as he heard the prophecy. He had confunded Pettigrew to join the deatheaters and betray his friends. He had registered Lupin's lycanthropy with the ministry to ensure he wouldn't be allowed to adopt. He had dropped the wards on Longbottom manor and sent Lestrange an anonymous tip off of the address. And then he had made sure that ever loyal Hagrid would stop Black from taking the child, leaving him nothing better to do than go after Pettigrew and get himself arrested.

Except Sirius hadn't taken no for an answer. He had forcibly removed his godson from Hagrids care and taken him back to Grimmauld place. It was only a few weeks later that Pettigrew was captured by aurors and the enchantments that made him turn traitor were lifted.

Albus had argued with Sirius about keeping Harry for weeks. Eventually he gave in. There would be plenty of time to mold Harry into a martyr when he reached hogwarts. But by the looks of things, that had failed too.

Harry had been raised by not one but three of the original marauders. Albus had been hoping for a wide eyed, malleable, and innocent boy. But there was nothing innocent about Harry Potter. In his first week alone he set a llama loose in the astronomy tower, dyed Severus' hair neon pink, and had the elves spike everyones pumpkin juice with an overdose of caffeine. Then after a year of chaos he, Longbottom, and the Weasley twins stole the phillosphors stone. He admitted to having gotten rather drunk because of that one

He had laid a perfectly good trail of clues leading to Snape wanting to steal it (so that when they found it was Quirrel they would feel guilty and target him less) that would lead to Harry facing Tom and starting to see him as his responsibility alone. But nooooooo. As soon as they worked it out they went and stole it themselves!

Then in second year, Harry had been meant to be ostracised because of his gift and easily molded by the single voice of friendship. The headmaster. WRONG. Harry had turned the whole thing on its head and started acting like a mockery of a dark lord. No one took the idea of him as the heir seriously because a dark lord just wouldn't drape a cuddly toy snake around his neck and use drinking their blood as a pretense to kiss older girls. Eventually, Albus had just given the whole thing up as a lost cause and confiscated the diary from Ginevra and destroyed it himself.

In his third year, he had tried hiring Black for the defense job. Half in attempt to ingratiate himself with the boy, and half in the hopes that Black would die from the curse and the grief would break Harry's spirit and leave Albus to shape his destiny. No such luck. Black had spent the year tormenting Severus, corrupting Harry and his friends even further, and throwing impromptu parties in various classrooms (whether or not they had a lesson going on in them). Then he quit at the end of the year to "pursue his dream of building a harem". He had taken quite a number of the female staff with him.

Then the obviously fake Alastor entered Harry into the tornament and he thought the difficulty of the tasks would humble the boy. As it turned out, however, Harry's arrogance was actually justified. He won all three tasks and survived an encounter with Tom. Albus was starting to wonder if his would ever be able to make Harry kill himself for the greater good. He knew Harry hated him. The marauders had no doubt pieced together at least part of the truth and warned Harry about him.

But now the boy was at the orders headquarters (the burrow, since Sirius had refused to let him use Grimmauld place) and he and his friends had begun an all out prank war on the order as revenge for not letting them in on their meetings.

He had so far arrived at the burrow to find a desert, an arctic tundra complete with polar bears, a tropical ocean, and a swamp where the dining room should have been. Since the dining room was the only part of the glorified shack where he could conveniently place secrecy charms, he was stuck trying to undo the transfigurations each time.

He took a handful of floo powder. Heaving a great sigh and wondering what would await him on the other side this time, Albus threw the powder into the flames, stepped in, and said "The burrow!"

And found himself, not in the Weasley home at all, but a muggle gay bar. How the hell did Potter know how to change floo adresses?


	11. Chapter 11

"So," said Fred, when everyone was gathered in the three broomsticks, "does everyone know why we're here?" The party of thirty or so teenage girls looked around to see if anyone would answer. "Harry's jealous of his godfathers harem and is building one for himself?" asked Katie Bell. Most of the other girls nodded in satisfaction, smirked or got predatory gleams in their eyes. "That too." said Harry, "But mainly I want to raise an army to overthrow the ministry."

Granger spluttered. "Harem?" she hissed. Neville took pity on the girl and hugged her. "Don't worry, Harry won't take you away from me." he said while stroking her hair. Suitably calmed she processed the rest of what Harry had said. "Wait, you mean you ARE trying to take over? I thought the prophet was just making stuff up again!" Harry grinned. "I wasn't at first, but Skeeter started giving me ideas and one thing led to another." "And a good thing too." said a blonde girl from the year bellow them, "Fudge has been building an army of heliopaths for over a decade now, and everyone knows he's up to his neck in the rotfang conspiracy." George beamed. "Exactly! We're doing a public service." Bones was frowning. Although she had definately wanted to join the harem from the glazed over expression she had had when it was mentioned, apparently, declaring war on her aunt was not high on her list of priorities. "But first, we need to take out Umbitch." Harry declared. Bones' expression cleared into one of determination. Oh, yeah. Toad face was unpopular, alright.

"How do we do that?" asked Ginny. Neville reached into his bag and pulled out a detailed map of the defence classroom and office. It had the same enchantments as the marauders map, so showed Umbitch sitting at her desk. However, unlike the marauders map, it had labels for all the cupboards, wardrobes, chests, and other places where pranksters might hide items of a dubious nature and use as traps. He then retrieved a blank scroll of parchment and wrote at the top 'The Junior Marauders'. He underlined it neatly. "Now," said Harry, "who wants to make some mayhem?"

* * *

A/N: Despite having a harem now, Harry is still dating Fleur. She knows and is okay with it so long as she's his favourite. In fact, she has a harem too.


	12. Chapter 12

"Okay, so we're not allowed to call it a harem anymore." Harry shot a dirty look at Granger, who had gone to McGonnagol and asked for a laminated copy of the section of the school rules that banned them. Granger smirked, completely missing the annoyed looks the other girls were giving her. "Let's see, what first?" Their meeting place was a handy room on the seventh floor. They had started using it after looting it of most of its treasures, of course.

"Alright." Harry decided, "The way I see it, a combat situation only needs two spells. Protego and Stupefy. Or if you're aiming to kill, Avada Kedavra instead of the stunner." Neville nodded his agreement. "Really, anything else is a waste of magic if you're fighting for real. If you have an oppurtunity to hit an enemy with a spell do you want it to knock them out or give them boils? Once your enemy is unconscious take their wand, and anything else of use in a fight, and maybe tie them up for interrogation, but for the love of Merlin wait untill they're unconscious before focussing on anything else."

They spent the next three hours making the girls fire stunners over and over at dummies to build up stamina. Luna Lovegood, the conspiracy theorist, fainted from magical exhaustion along with Hannah Abbott and Ginny Weasley about two hours in. After a pepper up draft they got back to casting, however, and managed to stay conscious for the rest of the session. Even if they were very wobbly on their feet by the end of it.

Harry had taken to showing off. He was casting non-verbally, and as you can think something in an instant where it would take a few seconds to say alloud, his wand was the equivalent of a stunning curse machine gun. And he wasn't getting tired. And he was laughing.

"How are you even still standing up?!" asked an indignant Alicia Spinnet, who had been struggling on the last of her magic reserves for the previous ten minutes. Harry winked at her. "Practice." She wiped sweat from her reddened face. "That... I hate you Potter..." He smirked. "Really though. A few more weeks of sessions like this and you might even be able to duel an auror to a draw." She considered. "Okay. Maybe I don't hate you then but... Urgh! No! I still hate you! You're an even harsher proffessor than the fake Moody was!" George santered over. "But just think of the look on Umbitches face when she calls for reinforcements and we take them all down in two seconds flat." he said.


End file.
